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I had to breakdown, to breakthrough...
It’s hard to believe now, that for decades of my life I felt directionless and depressed. Perpetually swinging from the highest highs to the lowest lows. I used sex, codependent and even violent relationships, drugs, alcohol, eating, not eating, shopping, work and even spirituality as ways to escape and avoid the dark, vast, void that I felt within myself. I had multiple failed suicide bids and all of my relationships were strained or non-existent. The saying goes that no man is an Island, yet that is exactly how I felt. I found myself as a baron desolate island surrounded by deep waters of emotion that I just couldn’t seem to navigate.
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I was always a very perceptive and sensitive child. Like many people who struggle with addiction and emotional overwhelm, I grew up in a traumatic environment and also one of oppressive orthodox religion. As a result, I shunned spirituality and I engaged in many addictive behaviors as a way of avoiding conflict and emotional abuse within the family home. As many who have been raised in orthodox religious surroundings, there was no freedom of mind or spirit in my childhood home, which is vital to a child's growth and happiness. I graduated high school at 16 and found the impetus to leave my home situation shortly there after. I didn't know what I was in search of, but I knew I hadn't yet found my truth. This lead to my family members shunning and cutting me off, even to this day, over twenty five years later. Having been sheltered from the outside world up until my mid teens, I was naive and unaware of the depths of my suffering or the world at large. I started using drugs, alcohol and sex more fervently as a way to connect to others, and numb my pain. Trying to find my way in the world with no worldly education. As an overachiever in my early twenties I built up a solid reputation in the field of film and television and went from stylist to set decorator to production designer in the field of film and television. At this point, I was finding success financially but I was working eighteen hours a day and my mental and physical health was failing, I was drinking or using drugs when I wasn't working, I had no spiritual foundation, I had no idea of the concept of practical self care - and eventually it caught up to me in the way of a massive nervous breakdown.
I made changes, so can you.
Shortly after my nervous breakdown and subsequent failed suicide bid, I skeptically visited an intuitive healer in Los Angeles, CA. I was extremely suspicious of holistic healing, especially given my christian upbringing, but I knew I wanted to try anything at all that might put me on the path of some answers and relief. The intuitive was located in a wellness center which to me felt like a better experience than someone on the street asking me if I wanted my palm read. I felt in my body that I had a greater purpose than I was currently fulfilling and I was desperate to find the will to keep living. I was open to finding anything that might alleviate the emotional pain I was in. During my first session I felt seen and validated, I knew then that there was s spiritual and holistic component missing from my life.
What has followed since then has been a life dedicated to learning esoteric tools and practical spirituality. I began with sobriety from drugs and alcohol, I worked with holistic coaches, renowned acupuncturists and intuitive's for many years to support myself first and foremost. I then got my certification in nutrition, holistic wellness and reiki because I knew I needed to share the tools I had gathered. I have seen countless healers, and some true masters here in the United States and India for support in the fields of Energy Work, Astrology, Ayurveda, Acupuncture, Nutrition, Theta Healing, Herbalism, Past Life Regression, Hypnotism, Sound Healing, Breath Work, Traditional Talk Therapy, Yoga, Tarot, Massage, Cranio Sacral along with Shamans and Psychic Mediums!
In the pursuit of my own personal healing, I found what works for me in my practice to be an amalgamation of many modalities. The healer heals themselves first and foremost, and then can become a way-shower to others. As a practitioner it is my ambition to empower my clients as their own best healers. The goal with my sessions is that clients feel seen, unconditionally loved and supported, but ultimately that they have the support to build trust in themselves. I practice what I know, and what I have direct experience in healing personally. I'm a prime example of a life seemingly lost then built back into one of purpose, clarity and fulfillment. It can be hard to invest time, energy and resources into our self care and self love. Fear can be hard to overcome, but if you are like me, you know that the investment you make in your health and happiness, is the only thing truly worth investing in.
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